As far as my heart goes, I am learning to live with a piece of it broken. It’s way, way harder than I thought it would be. I thought I could grieve hard and move on with my life. That didn’t happen. Sometimes my knees still get weak and I feel like I might collapse, but I am learning to adjust. My life has definitely shifted in so many ways. With the help of friends, family, support groups, my church, kind strangers, clients, yoga, running, counseling, acupuncture, the beach, massage, meditation — and mostly my incredible husband and kids…I am able to get through the hard days.

I realized today that I don’t have any grad photography featured on my blog! Well, that had to change. Meet J. She is so full of unconditional joy and makes this world more beautiful just by being in it!

My family and I are back in Duluth after traveling the country for 4 months. Our trip was cut short unexpectedly…and this is where it becomes difficult to write.

We came home for the holidays, excited to spend some time with our families. I was halfway through a difficult pregnancy that had me bed-ridden for most of our cross country trip. We have been hoping and dreaming and wishing for this baby for 5 years. We had lost several pregnancies before this one, so we understood how blessed we were.

We went in for an ultrasound at 22 weeks and found out that our baby girl’s heart was no longer beating. Our world was turned upside down. The next day, I was induced. On Dec. 11th, 2010, our daughter Aurora was born silent. She was beautiful and perfect. We held her and kissed her. My 5 year old son rocked her.

It’s hard to say goodbye before you’ve even had the chance to say hello.

I am still learning to live with this “new normal”. I am still accepting the fact that I’m part of this secret club. I still have my moments, but my days are getting brighter. Losing my only daughter has changed my life in so many ways. I love my spouse more fiercely, I am more patient with my two boys…my voice is just a little bit softer. My heart is more open and full. I have been reminded that life can change at any moment.

I have been tip-toeing back into photography work, with more heart and soul. My work feels more meaningful…more joyful. I see little miracles that I was not able to see before. I see the world in a completely different light. I have met some amazing families.

I will be taking on a smaller number of sessions this year, in order to live a more peaceful life with my family. 80 hour work weeks are no longer in my vocabulary. Editing sessions until 3am and consuming massive amounts of caffeine is no longer an option. These changes mean that my 2011 summer and fall calendar are nearly full. Maternity sessions are not available at this time. Newborn sessions are limited.

I also want to share with you, this beautiful newborn baby boy that I photographed earlier this week. He has a big brother watching over him. His mommy and daddy lost a baby boy last year. This is just one example of how the universe has connected me with some amazing people.

“I have this feeling,
there’s one more star
up in the sky tonight.

And even though
it’s far away,
it’s brightness and warmth
still reach us here
to make the night
a little less dark.”

-unknown

These two were the sweetest two year olds EVER. This age can be one of the most challenging ages to photograph, so I was prepared for anything…but I didn’t need to be. They kept me on my toes, I got my Saturday workout out of the way & we all had a great time. I don’t know how you could ever say no to those beautiful eyes!

PS. I am entirely booked through the end of August and I have started a waiting list, however, I will be traveling back to Duluth the last week in September and I am taking a couple of sessions September 29th and 30th. I also have room for one more session in the Twin Cities the week of Sept. 7th. Shoot me an email, because the sessions will be gone in a BLINK.

I do have some summer openings left & I’d love to photograph your family too. xoxo

I have been meaning to blog this session for MONTHS. Are they not the *sweetest* family EVER?? This family was such a blast to photograph. They remind me so much of my own family. These photos make me so excited for spring and green grass. Shortly after these images, they moved away and I will miss them dearly! xoxo

This little guy was so sweet and social. He was busy, yet so kind. It was hard to believe he was only 2 years old…he is so TALL. You can see from the images that he lives every moment with pure joy. He was such a blast to photograph! The second photo with the basketball is his [I'm up to something] look. Seconds after that shot, he threw the ball over the railing and we moved on.

This expectant mama was so, so sick for the session, yet so relaxed and full of love for her second baby. I sent her a message a couple of weeks before the session asking if she would be willing to go outside for some shots. I was thrilled that she agreed! It ended up being a nice sunny day in the upper 30’s and we barely made it to the shore before the sun set. I was hoping the (almost) full moon would bring on labor, but the baby was just not ready to enter the world. I’m so excited to meet the new baby! ANY day now.